The Monday Moan

Oooh we love a rant here in Hayfield! The Monday Moan really is just that, us having a moan, on a Monday!

I don’t know if you have noticed it yet, but I certainly have. You see, through all of the dark mornings, dark evenings, snow-moaning/praising, transport difficulties, lack of finances and ill tempered exchanges and much, much more, there is a very specific link that may have been initially overlooked. One massive boil on the bum of 2010 that needs to be lanced as soon as possible before it goes toxic and spreads its bacteria all over the rest of the year.

The problem? JANUARY.

Now, can anybody out there explain to me the point of January? I mean, it’s sandwiched in between two fairly good months, the present-and-food-lovely-food-fest that is Christmas and the slightly-romantic-but-slightly-tacky charms of February, and in that highly-attractive company maybe it isn’t easy to look your best. But still – give me a good reason for it to exist please? I can think of a few reasons why it shouldn’t.

Firstly – can you remember when you last got paid? Exactly. Greedy December has stolen all of January’s money, and reduced us all to scrabbling around the cheap aisle of the supermarket and sniffing three-day-old casserole in the fridge. And even though it’s a good thing that those of us lucky enough to be employed get paid at the end of the month, that’s still essentially SIX weeks of prudent living.

Secondly – what is going on with the weather? It’s cold and wet when you wake up, everybody is walking at half the speed, and the transport just doesn’t work. And if it does work, it will go a lot slower than it needs to, except when you need it to stay at the bus stop whilst you waddle towards it like a penguin from the film Happy Feet.

And finally – why is it soooooo long? January is the longest, darkest, coldest month of the year, and its little coincidence that it contains the most miserable day of the year (OFFICIALLY) – January 18th. This has been calculated as the most miserable day of the year using variables such as weather, debt, monthly salary, time since Christmas, and low motivational levels. Think it’s scant consolation that at least you’re going through it with everybody else? Well think again – those with enough money are off sunning themselves on a yacht somewhere hot. We’re not. We’re here. And please move down inside the carriage, I can’t seem to fit onto this misery train to glumsville.

Tired of my moaning? Think you’ve had enough? Well, so have I. So here’s an idea: next year, why don’t we just cut January down to one week? Just think of the perks, from only having one week of it to work before justifying taking a holiday, to only having to say ‘happy new year’ to people you haven’t seen since December for a couple of days. People who have birthdays in January can relocate their date of birth to wherever they like, and try and find the optimum day for weather, generosity and party selection. So there, it’s settled. From next year, as far as I’m concerned, January doesn’t exist. Who’s with me?

Can you think of any other reasons why we should get rid of January?

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